A self-appointed legend in their own mind who moves through life like they’re the subject of a critically acclaimed docuseries—except the only thing they’ve mastered is delusion as an art form. Their résumé reads like an unfinished sentence, yet they speak with the confidence of someone who cured polio with a TED Talk.
Breakdown:
Nothing: The sum total of their contributions to society, innovation, or human progress.
-ician: A suffix usually reserved for people with actual expertise, which makes its usage here both ironic and disrespectful to real professions everywhere.
Traits of a Nothingician™:
Inflates minor moments into cinematic masterpieces (“Yeah, when I organized the company potluck, it really shifted culture, you know?”).
Drops names harder than facts.
Manages to be self-important and self-unaware at the same time—a rare but tragic talent.
Constantly “booked and busy” yet somehow never produces anything tangible.
Example Usage:
“Girl, he’s out here giving keynote energy at Applebee’s happy hour again. A true Nothingician™ in his natural habitat.”
